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No but I god fuck your ears with base in every single I drop.

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-1245

and that's the story of how I got crabs.

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-1333

Taylor swifts vagina.

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-1243

Probably . It's literally like Chris Brown beat the slut into her.

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-1255

The only people who get more pussy then me are cat hoarders. Looks like you need and animal intervention.
#realityshowskanyeisworkingon

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-1251

it is a creature which roams the earth alone. it is half man, half bear, and half pig! some people say that manbearpig isn't real. well, i'm here to tell you now, manbearpig is very real, and he most certainly exists and I've had sex with it. I give it a 4

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-1282

If there is one thing Kanye knows about it's pussies. On a different note yes cats are good at making hilarious videos for the internet.

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-1252

My internet went down because Time Warner Cable said Kanyepida is taking up to much bandwidth. And to think I was just trying to upload one dickpic

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-1218

Grab yourself a pregnancy test and go to the bathroom. Pee on the test. While your waiting for the results ask yourself one question: "Have I had sex with Kanye?" If that answer is yes. Please direct all further questions to my lawyer.

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-1273

How did you know I just ate Taco Bell!

DTF means "dropping taco farts" right?

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-1196

No But I will Spell ICUP out loud if that makes you feel Better.

I.C.U.P.

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-1212

Razzmatazz and when you see it on the fashion blogs next summer just know I'll have already moved on to Malachite

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-1178

I don't write. It's more like immaculate conception in my brain. #YourMoveMary

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-1171

Easiest way is to have her start buying pairs of her pants in your size

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-1150

The last Virgin I dealt with was the Virgin Mary. And I think we know how that turned out.

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-1184

What type of question is that! Thats like asking jesus if his Nike Dunks are confortable. Don't focus on the shoes, focus on the man wearing them. Unless there my shoes...then focus them because they cost more then your house.

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-1172

There is actually a disclaimer on the back of my CD's just for this reason. I can't help it if my dope beats give you man wood.

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-1134

Have you considered flying your private jet to the south of France to try to hunt down Big Foot with a bunch of Swedish bikini models? Of course you haven't

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-1180

It should actually be called a Kanye hat. Santa just ripped of my style and took credit.

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-1169

When I'm not having sex I sometimes I ask myself the same question...then i wake up from that nightmare and realize I'm having sex right now. seriously kanye has the skills to have sex while he types on the internet.

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-1242

take a number. I'll get to your right after I help God, Obama, Lindsey Lohan, and that Chocolate Rain kid.

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-1189

I pray every night to the best god in the world. Me. In the Kanye religion everyone is baptized in Crystal Champagne. Sunday Mass is held on a yacht where the dress code is "GET IN THE FUCKING HOTTUB". And people of other religions pray to their gods that they will one day be converted to Kanye.

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-1241

it means I have enough money money to create a 1/16 scale modle of the empire state building made out of Sacagawea dollars. Now that's fucking cray cray

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-1184

it means the post above answers the post below.

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-1300

not sure. I have the iphone 6 and it doesn't have ring tones. I just get a boner every time some calls. We lose steve jobs and apple products go to hell.

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-1181

My cat has assistants too. When my cat's aids be acting up I make them clean out his litter box with their tongues. Lucky for them my cat's littler is made of synthetic foir gras and his litter box is made out of shaq's old nike dunks. Life ain't so bad when you have a cat with aids.

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-1165

ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER...DO YOU SPEAK IT?

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-1207

An Asian women...cuts down my expenses on drying cleaning. You know Kanye has a different suit for every day of the week.

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-1219

Listen I have about 12 girlfriends who need UndercoverWear. Shit get's expensive around valentines day.

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-2319

Because Kanye doesn't believe in things that bleed for 7 days and don't die.

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-950

The whiskey-soaked novel with hints of Kerouak, Hunter S. Thompson and Bukowski about a guy named Jules that gets caught up in the dirtier things that L.A. has to offer, just so he can get back with his one and only girl? No, I haven't.

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-978

use both hands.

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-980

I've performed in over 30 countries and been all over the world. At no time did it take me any longer than 30 hours. When I travel:

-I pop 2.5 bottles of Cristal for every 1 honey-dip I have with me.
-I normally travel with at least 10 honey-dips
-I drink for at least half the time
-I also drink 2x as much if I'm jetlagged
-There's approximately 2 hours of jetlag for every 10 hours.

Based off those facts, I drink 1.47 bottles of Cristal for every square kilometer. Since I drink 750 bottles of christal per round the world journey, the earth is approximately, 510,072,000 km2

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-1002

Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Ibiza and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Kanye, and then we're gonna give him a best friend hug. Kanye, Kanye, oh, Kanye, Kanyiee, Kanyiee, Kanye, Kanye! But if he's been murdered by hot LA 10 models who are crystal meth tweakers.. then I guess it really was just a regular Wednesday night.

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-955

It's like every time I go down on a girl she is getting an extremely expensive, temporary Vajazzling.

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-968

The only things Kanye blows are minds...

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-946

Makes my rhymes stick to your brain.

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-997

No. If I want to make a girl orgasm I rap on their clitty. One time I rapped a full 16 bars and the girl passed out and almost died. So now I just stick with 8.

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-958

That or the machine they used to encrust my intestine with diamonds. That shit is dope! (Pun intended)

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-938

No I like Fish Dicks. Why is everyone so confused over this.

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-959

Kanye occasionally enjoys a salty snack with surprise ending.

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-949

I could buy your house, have it demolished, take the rubble, melt it down, and craft it into a toilet. Then I would give that toilet to my Butler. Do you know why? Because I don't have time to shit on you.

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-971

Other then the fact that we are both Batman...No.

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-921

What's monogamy and how much can I buy it for? Also can I wear it on my wrist?

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-969

Whenever I'm not usin' my computer I just get 2 naked chicks to dance in front of my screen.

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-1014

no but girls have proposed to my dick before.

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-932

1) Drop Out
2) Create Beats
3) Become an international Superstar
4) Buy a School
5) Enroll in your own school
6) Give yourself straight A's

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-987

You try getting grade A coke from anyone else.

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-1008

I think the general public knows that sometimes I wear midgets as hats because I can. And that makes them jealous.

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-963

Album sales

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-1050

No, I was speaking in hyperboleez. The best video of all time is this one

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-1237

Who told you about that. You take your pants off once in HS and suddenly everyone's talking about it.

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-973

Let me answer your question with another question. Does your dog have his own AmEx Black Card?

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-992

Sorry Charlie Sheen, last time we hung out you tried to make me snort the draw bridge off of the coke castle you built. You're just too out of this world for me.

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-1037

gods can't get chicks pregnant. I did it once...they wrote a book about it (the bible).

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-973

Cause they're nervous that their kids won't grow up to be as dope as Kanye.

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This is askkanye, not requestkanye! Because of your stupidity I'm now going to do the smallest show I've ever done. Even smaller then that one that I did in the airplane bathroom with 3 of the stewardess.

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